What a weekend....I am SO glad it's over! I don't know what flipped the switch on L this weekend, but he has decided that it's been he's been way too quiet and sleeping WAY TOO much. Saturday night, A and I went to a reverse raffle with his parents and my mom watched L. We had a lot of fun and my mom said that L was great, went to bed fine, not a single cry or tantrum. We thought everything was fine, but he was up nonstop on Saturday night. Sunday he woke up screaming and proceeded to do the same the rest of the day. Good stuff. Of course, because he didn't sleep at night, he didn't take a nap. And the screaming went on thru the rest of the evening. We got him ready for bath early. He fought me nonstop to go to bed. Finally, he quieted down around 9:00pm and we thought we were doing alright. 45 minutes later, he was up screaming bloody murder. I went in to check on him and he was completely wrapped up in his blankets. Got him back to sleep again and he was up again at midnight. I was too exhausted to even check on him, but he finally fell asleep. I have no idea if he woke up after that because I took enough meds to get me to sleep really good. I was so tired. I am praying to God that we aren't starting another one of his crazy, insane cycles. We have been doing good for a little while now, dare I say, longer than ever. Tonight, we are going to my therapist as a family. Should be interesting. I started going to a therapist around a month ago to help me deal with L. Clearly, what I am doing isn't working, so I figured seeing a family therapist might help me learn different ways to deal with my little spirited child. I brought L with me for the first time last week and he was, of course, a little angel. Hahaha.....go figure. The therapist thinks a part of it might be that he is really intelligent. Tonight will absolutely be fascinating. Maybe she has some getting to bed and staying in bed tips. Needless to say, I am feeling really happy that I am working all day today! Hahahah!
Amongst the kicking and screaming of Sunday, I was bored and decided to go on a Pinterest binge. I got to looking at tattoos and think I have a pretty good idea of what I want my next one to be. I know, I know...I really don't need another one, but if I get one, I'm going to get one in all white ink. I can't shake the thought of getting a tattoo in the inside of my wrist, but I worry about having to see it all the time and being really obvious. A white tattoo seems the perfect solution. It mostly looks like little scars. I have tons of scars, why not make my own pretty scars? I'd like a few little flying birds or something like that. Definitely bird related. For no real reason, but I find bird tattoos so COOL! Now I have to do a little more researching to see who does white ink tattoos and save a little money to do it!
Every now and again I have these moments where I just can't get over the fact that I am an adult. Am I the only one that experiences this? I mean, I've been an "adult" for a decent amount of time now, you'd think by now I'd be used to it. But I still have these moments. I actually still have moments where it feels completely surreal that I am a mother too. A lot of times, I look at my life and and wonder if this is all. Is this everything? It just seems like day in and day out, I do the same things. Once a year, we go on vacation and do the same things there. In some senses, it's nice and comforting to know what will happen tomorrow. But it's also really depressing and seems like there isn't much to look forward to. I apologize for being so down and out, but sometimes, it just is what it is. These feelings usually coincide with L's cycle and my pain levels. We had a really big dip in temperature this weekend. And it's super windy. Both of which amp up my pain level to taking the max prescribed pain meds rather than the few I usually take. This causes me to be grouchy cause I hurt like crazy and super tired because the pain pills and muscle relaxer make me tired. Add to that, L and his no sleeping and constant crying and things get out of hand at a really fast pace. I know that I am the adult and parent (yeah, duh right?) and need to be able to keep my crap together for L's sake, but it really is SO hard when everything is coming down around your ears at the same time. UGH. I really hate when this starts happening. It's so exhausting and I don't like being down on everything. I realize that I have the power to change how I feel about all of this, but it's so hard and I just get so tired with all this pain. I am really hoping a visit with the therapist will snap us out of this cycle before it really gets bad. I'm also kind of glad Aaron is coming too, so he can validate what happens! Alright, gonna stop writing depressing stuff!
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