Yikes! So Much To Do, So Little Time!

I got a phone call Wednesday from my surgeon's office and they had a cancellation for this coming Wed. and wanted to know if I wanted to move my surgery up.  Yikes!  Well, for lots of reasons, it just made sense to do it.  Had to do some negotiating at work, but otherwise, surgery here I come.  I have to admit, I kind of feel like a chicken with my head cut off.  There really is a lot I was planning on getting done before my surgery.  I have 50 marigold plants that need planted, my mom and I took on this job of stringing watches for one her artists, laundry, grocery shopping....the list goes on.  Today, I have to go to Cleveland for my pre-op too.  I am really nervous!  Well, anyway, if I am lagging on my blog for a while you'll know what's happening!  Wish me luck!

The Pressures of Being a New Parent

I would think it's safe to say that I am no longer a "new parent", though there are plenty of things we are still doing for the first time.  I think I am mostly thankful to be out of the baby stage of things.  There are times that I definitely long to have a child that is not mobile, but aside from that, I prefer toddlerhood to infancy...mostly.  It doesn't seem like there is a day that goes by without some sort of study or new type of parenting that is thrust upon all of us unsuspecting, clueless parents.  It's easy to get swallowed in the "dos and don'ts" of parenting.  As I've navigated the past three years, I like to think that I've kept a mostly clear head about what you should and shouldn't do and have been a fairly relaxed parent.  But I do remember before L was born and right after feeling so overwhelmed.  "Breastfeed for a year, don't sleep on stomach, no bumpers, no food till four months, don't use a binky, cloth diapers are safer for the environment, BPA is bad for you, blah, blah, blah, etc.....", the list goes on....endlessly.  To me, a parenting style is as individual as each of our children are.  You take a little of this and a little of that and a LOT of common sense and there you have....you're a parent! 

I'm sure pretty much everyone is aware of the new Time cover of a 26 yr old mom nursing her 3 or 4 year old son (while he is standing on a chair to reach her breast). 

I have a completely mixed reaction to this photo.  First of all, the title makes me cringe straight off....."Are you Mom Enough?"......really?  Do we, as mothers who face peer pressure NON-STOP from society, need to be asked that question?  Ugh.  Makes my skin crawl.  Secondly, clearly that child is too old to be nursing, at least too old in my opinion (and I am sure I am not alone....probably even in the majority on the issue).  For me personally, I don't agree with the whole "attachment" parenting style.  Little L has always been a bit of an independent soul.  He was never a super snuggly child and actually didn't really ever go through a clingy phase.  He hates sleeping with us (the feeling is actually mutual).  For medical reason, I stopped nursing at 10 1/2 months, though L got half breast milk/ half whole milk till he was a year old.  To say I was obsessed with nursing is an understatement.  It consumed me the whole year.  I sucked at producing milk and felt like I was an inferior women because of it.  I felt like my body was denying my child something he needed.  I struggled nonstop and looking back I can see that this was my one big thing that I did wrong.  If I would have been more calm and relaxed about it, I probably would have seen that maybe nursing wasn't the best solution for L and I.  At the same time, I am proud that I pushed through and kept him on breast milk for the most part till he was a year old.  Obviously, I am still pretty torn about my own experience.  Ideally, I would like mothers to feel supported if they choose to breastfeed, but not pressure if it doesn't work or they don't like it.   

Sometimes, I think listening to our moms is the best thing (by the way, if my mom is reading this she is probably glowing with pride at this point!)  Let's face it, our moms slept us all on our stomachs from day one and gave us cereal in our milk at 2 months and we are all still here to talk about it.  It can't be THAT bad, right?  I am sure that in their day in age, our moms had tons of info thrown at them too.  But I think it may be safe to say it's a lot worse these days with technology allowing us to be swarmed with all these silly theories. I just can't imagine whether you used cloth diapers or disposible diapers, breast or formula fed, let your kid sleep with a bumper, or fed them food earlier than four month will make that much of a difference in your child's life further down the line.  My personal mommy's motto is "If you are always doing your best, then you are doing great!  Keep it up!"  Your babies infancy goes so fast, don't stress about the small things!    

 

Yay for Obama!!!

I am not one to talk politics, but I think this is important issue and I want to blog about it.  Besides, I don't really think that it's a political issue in the first place.  I am not entirely sure why gay marriage is so important to me.  I am not gay and don't really have any close friends or family that is gay either.  I just feel very strongly that every person has the right to love whomever they choose.  I understand the argument that "marriage" is a religious term, but I'd be inclined to argue that there are man/ woman marriages that don't even believe in God.  I'd also argue that there are an abundance of gay people who believe in God and religion.  To me, none of this should be decided by a bunch of men in stiff suits.  I fail to see the need/ desire for the government to control this issue.  I think my favorite argument against gay marriage is that a man/ woman marriage is just how it's "supposed to be".  Really?  Can we heterosexuals say that because it's natural for us to be together, we have done marriage the right way?  In this day and age, with divorce happening to at least 50% of married couples, we really feel the natural way is best?  Who are we kidding?  My generation has this attitude towards marriage that if things get rough or it isn't a fairy tale, we always have an easy way out....divorce.  I am always shocked when I hear someone I know is getting a divorce.  And it's not just my peers that believes this, as I look at my parents' generation, they are getting divorces at seemingly the same speed as my peers, only they are ending 20+ years of marriage rather than 2-5.  How would letting gay people get married hurt the sanctity of marriage worse?  I actually know a few gay couples who have been together longer than most of my straight friends.

To me, this is as much humans rights as blacks being equal and women voting.  I just don't understand who we think we are to tell someone who it's alright to love.  Honestly, it makes me sick.  Admittedly, I wish Obama would have made his statement a LONG time ago.  But I guess, better late than never.  Sometimes, I just can't believe that in this day and age, we are still constantly fighting for people to have equal rights!  Do we ever learn from our history?  I am extremely frustrated at this whole issue, I can't even imagine how the LGTB community feels.  UGH.....we are all still people!  It shouldn't matter if you are man, woman, black, white, gay, straight, christian, atheist, republican, democrat, or any other words that may describe you!  We all human and we should all have the same rights! 

Nature vs. Nuture

Do you ever sit and wonder how you became the person you are now?  Or looked at your child(ren) and noticed so many of your traits (or even none of your traits)?  I find my self thinking about these things quite often.  When I look at my personality traits I see a lot of both of my parents in me.  My perfectionism, desire to do good, and accepting nature come from my mom.  My charismatic personality, outgoing-ness, and hyperactivity comes from my dad.  When you add the two, you get a pretty funny combo of me.  Hahaha!  Of course, I think I have some of my very own personality traits as well, such as my strength and analytical nature, but amazingly quite a bit of me is my parents (funnily enough, depending on which parent I am with, I always get comments about how much I look like them as well, so I must be a good mix of the two of them looks-wise as well).  Now that I have a child of my own, it just amazes me how much of me L has in him.  I would say, it's safe to say that because L is so much like me, that would be the main reason we butt heads more often than not.  This isn't to say that L doesn't have some of A.  He definitely has his temper.  Also his need to touch EVERY button he sees and tear everything apart!  L's facial expressions are completely A.  But mostly, that kid is all me.  I could never try to deny him as mine!  Hahahah!  So the question is this: is he a mini me because he's around me most and picks up on all my Maggie-isms or is it genetic?  In the case of L, I am liable to think it's got to be a little bit of both.

But every now and then you run across a situation that makes you think it may be a lot more nature than nurture.  For example, my brother has a little girl who is 6 months old.  She is a little pistol just like her cousin.  She hates sleeping and is high energy already (boy, do I feel their pain!)  Neither my brother or sister-in-law were anything like that when they were little (or even now), so where did this little spitfire come from? Maybe nature has more clout than I originally thought? 

Sometimes, I just sit and think of how amazing it is that we can procreate.  That little boy was made out of A and I's love for each other.  He's a little bit of both of us, good and bad.  To me, that is something that is truly awesome. 

When it Rains....

It is absolutely pouring on me lately!!  I just can't even believe the bad luck (stupidity on my part) I've had lately.  So we all know I lost my rings (my wedding rings and my anniversary ring)....well, Tuesday, I left my debit card at Olive Garden an hour away.  And Sunday, I backed my car into our truck.  Yes, so in a week's (week and a half) time, I lost three rings, left my debit card at a restaurant, and wrecked two of our vehicles.  Ugh, as if I don't feel enough like crap, A is really sticking it to me.  Crap.  I hate when this kind of stuff happens.  I am so hard on myself anyway, it really sucks having someone else making it worse.  I will be the first to admit that I am totally at fault for being so freaking ditsy lately, but all of this could have happened to anyone.  Maybe not all at once.....hahhaaha....but still!  I need to get back on the ball (I am seriously wondering...have I ever really been "on" the ball to begin with??)  I have to think that because this was three crappy things all at once, I have to done for a little while, right?  My luck, probably not even close to being done.  I've already had a hand full of other random crappy things happen today.

I will try and work on something positive for this post.  I hate whining all the time.  I did get my garden planted this past week (can't remember what day....they are all just blending together).  I also got all my herbs planted and most of the flowers.  My inlaws, L, mom, and I went to a plant show on Saturday.  I bought a lucifer crocosmia, lavender, dill, another flower I forgot the name of and a "tinkerbell" pink lilac bush.  Soooo cute!  I have no idea where I am going to put the lilac, but it's so sweet, I couldn't pass it up and it smells so nice!!  Saturday, A was sick, so I worked my butt off most of the day in the yard.  Sunday, A was feeling better, so I let him work his butt off in the yard!  Hahaha.  He mulched (with a little help from me so he wouldn't bury my new little plants), trimmed some of the trees, mowed, and weed eated.  I tied the roses to the lattice on the deck to start vining.  I also hacked the heck out of my butterfly bush...hopefully it will still do well after a major haircut.  I also planted two hanging baskets and two pots for my front porch.  I'll put some pictures up.  Really, I am almost done with my yard (for now, I know it's a constant work in process).  There are a few things I'd really love to get done still, but if they don't get done this year, I think they won't plague me too much.  They are tasks that I need help with mostly.  For example, we have some kind of viney yellow/ green thing happening on the corner of the house and it's making a me nuts because it's starting to choke out the bushes and trees near it.  I'd love to just rip that stuff out!  I tried pulling it out, but it's really in there.  Maybe next year.  I really have to lay off stressing myself out over every little thing.  Besides, if I want to have a garage sale before our vacation in August, I better get to getting in that before my surgery. 

 Here is a pic of the garden.  I packed a heck of a lot of plants into this little area, it's a gamble, but I guess we will see what happens!

 Hanging basket I made

 Side of the house

 Other side of the steps

 In front of the deck...look at my pretty phlox!

 Side flower bed

 More side flower bed

Front

Park, Garden and Ditsy Maggie (and maybe a little Askars...)

Yesterday, I worked all day (well most of the day) because I was off all day Tuesday for my Dr.'s appointment.  My mom, bless her, watched L for me the second half of the day.  Apparently, someone came to our house Tuesday afternoon and said they were trying to get a business started and wanted to clean our carpets for free.  A seemed to think this was a great idea (seriously?  Let some strange person into our house while he's NOT home to clean our carpets?)  So I went home around 4:30pm to meet this person.  Not shockingly, they didn't show up.  Anyway, this lead to my mom and I both being home early from work, so we figured we'd go grab some McDonald's and take L to the park.  L had a freaking GREAT time!  He is hilarious.  For some reason, he loves to run the whole outside perimeter of a park.  It's really weird and funny all at the same time.  He also talks to EVERYONE (for the life of me, I can't figure out where he got that from!)  He's growing up to be such a little character.  He cracks me up. 

After the park, I dressed mom up in some grubbies and got her to help me plant my garden.  Seriously, we did it in under an hour together....we rocked!  I probably should have done a little research to have an idea of how big everything got and how close everything should be planted, but sadly I didn't.  But I did have an idea, so hopefully my garden won't go bananas and I can't get anything out of it.  Now I have to get those dang rocks finished so I can put them in the garden.  I didn't plant my herbs and flowers yet.  I think my herbs are going to go in my flower beds.  I am also going to plant a line of marigolds along the edge of my garden.  I still have a lot to go, especially since I am having surgery in a little over a month, but I feel good about what I've gotten done so far.  Today it is supposed to stay really nice, so I am hoping to get somethings done this afternoon.  Also, going to a plant show on Saturday morning....I am looking forward to that! 

This little bit is between you and me....no one better tell A!!!  I am so ridiculously ditsy lately.  I don't know what's going on and I'd like to say I have some great excuse, but I don't really know that I do.  Not only did I lose my dang rings, but I totally left my debit card at an Olive Garden in Cleveland on Tuesday!  All in a within a week of each other!  I know that I am totally spreading myself thin lately and I have a lot on my mind, but this is just plain dumb of me.  I just can't believe how forgetful I've become lately. 

So because I've had a crappy week losing everything I should be keeping a close eye on, I am going to post some pictures of Askars.  He recently did an interview and when asked if he would like to play Christian Grey from those dang books, he said "It sounds like a part I was born to play" and mentioned how Eric in True Blood had a torture dungeon too.  I will watch anything with this man in it, no matter how crappy the movie is, but I am really begging that he please, please stay away from these movies (yes, I know, I can't believe I am asking for him to turn down a movie where he'll no doubt be naked, but I'd prefer him clothed and playing a much better part!)  Between my new Sookie book and there being only 38 days till True Blood (I did not know this fact off the top of my head, actually A told me this morning), I think some Askars is definitely needed.  (Funny side story, last night a commercial of Battleship came on last night and I asked A if he would like to see that move....he was like...um...sure....why?  I said we will definitely be seeing it because Alexander Skarsgard is in it.  He busted up laughing!  LOVE my hubby!)

Kind of a random selections of pictures....:)  

Thing That Boggle My Mind...(this is going to be an ongoing list!)

So I was thinking about a few things this morning as I was getting ready for work.  I hate to say these are things that baffle me daily, but I have to admit, I do think of this stuff fairly regularly.  So here goes a few things that perplex me often.  By the way, as I said in the title, I will just keep adding to this list, so feel free to check back or even add something!!! 

1.  Why can't someone make bikinis exactly like bra and underwear?  I always feel more comfortable in my bra and underwear than I EVER would in a bikini.  I get that bikinis have to stay on a little better since they will be slogging through water, but really, the styles are always so different from your basic bra and underwear.  P.S.- at this point and time, this really doesn't apply to me because I don't wear a bikini, but admittedly, I still ponder this often. 

2. Ever notice how there isn't a SINGLE hair gadget that holds your hair up as well as your hands?  I agree that a huge pair of hands would make a really strange hair tie, but in this day and age of technology, you'd think SOMEONE would come up with a hair thingy that holds your hair better.

3.  This is a doozy.  No joke, this is kind of one of those strange existential questions because really to ask this, you have to question the meaning of everything.  But for some reason, I never look further than this.  Who, when, and why did someone ever decide using soap equals being clean?   This is a totally ridiculous question, but it plagues me every time I jump in the shower.  Yes, I know, I am seriously WEIRD!

4.  Why is it, that when you have extra money and are excited to go shopping you literally find NOTHING!?!?!  And when you're broke as a joke, you find everything and then some that you want.  It's completely frustrating. 

Oh Sookie I Have Missed You....

Immediately after waking up yesterday and registering that it was the first of May, I grabbed my nook all excited to get my new Sookie Stackhouse book by Charlaine Harris!!!  Was I disappointed to see that my nook was almost out of batteries!  NOOOO!  Thank God for my iphone...I pulled up my book and read for a few minutes.  I figured I'd get to really get into the book while waiting for the doctor.  We did wait for a long time to see him, but they had me filling out a few books of forms asking the same thing over and over most of the time.  After I put L to bed, I was really ready to start reading more.  Hahaha...I passed out before finishing one page!  Finally, this morning I got to sit in my bathtub (this was the first time this week that when my rear hit the tub I didn't hear "MOOOOOMY" and little feet kicking the crap out of the door) and enjoy some of my new book.  For crying out loud, I've been waiting a whole year and even had the book pre-ordered on my nook!!!  So far it's good.  I will probably cry next year with the last book of the series.  Usually, every year come spring time, I sit down and read all the previous books so it's all fresh in my mind by the time the new one releases.  This year, I didn't get a chance to do that (I was busy reading those DANG "Shades" books)!  I feel like I kind of missed out on my tradition, but I am too excited to take time to read eleven books before getting to the new one!  A new Sookie books means a new season of True Blood will be here REALLY soon (though never soon enough, if you ask me!)  For anyone who follows either the book or the show, the book release and start of a new season really have nothing to do with each other, they just happen to happen within a month of each other. 

Last night, I fed my weird obsession with rocks again.  I got about ten new rocks to paint...a few smaller ones that are really nice shaped and smooth and one BIG one (it was really heavy to haul around) to write our name on and put in our front yard.  Yesterday, I also reaffirmed my obsessive nature.  My mom and I were talking and she brought up that she thinks that a lot of times, I do crafts or gardening or WHATEVER to deal with stress.  Yes, obviously.  But my personality is so anal that if I do something, I have to make sure it's done completely.  If I like to do something, it's all or nothing for me (see my post "I Love Reading").  I definitely knew all this about myself and I figured that my family knew it too, but to actually hear it is a little different.  This all happened BEFORE I loaded up on more rocks!  Obsess much, Maggie?  Haha! 

Big Doctor's Appointment

Tomorrow I will be seeing a new surgeon for the first time.  I am feeling such a mix of feelings.  Every second it changes.  I am feeling excited.  I am hoping with everything I have that this new Dr. can work some miracles for me.  On the flip side, I am TERRIFIED that he can't do anything for me.  I guess it's probably pretty normal to feel cautious and nervous about possibly having more surgery, especially if you have had as much surgery as I have.  My insides does flips thinking about it.  I know, in the long run, this is something I have to do.  If it's offered to me, I have to take the chance.  Deep down I know this.  The rational Maggie knows this.  But the newly discovered gardener in me weeps at the thought of having surgery this summer.  Not just the newly discovered gardener, but the mom who is excited to play outside and take her son to the park,  and the girl who loves going swimming in the sun...you get the idea.

I started this post yesterday and never finished, so here is an update...

I saw the new Dr. today.  I had to have x-rays right away.  The technician was really sweet, but seriously particular.  I guess it's because the Dr is particular about them.  I had to fill out a million forms all asking the same thing (this always cracks me up because no one even looks at them anyway!)  We waited a long time to be brought to a room and a decent amount of time waiting for the doctor.  He was actually quite nice and was very open and listened.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but it really is SO amazing to have a doctor that listens.  Honestly, they are truly hard to find.  I've gone six years or so without finding a Dr that listens to you.  That is a really sad commentary on our medical community.  Anyway, this is probably silly too, but his PA's last name was Ehler and I could swear that was a sign that things could be good.  The Dr poked around, asked some questions and in no time flat, he determined it is most likely my bicep tendon causing me problems.  He said he couldn't promise anything, but he thought there was a good chance he could help me with it.  He seemed a little surprised that I had a spinal cord stimulator for my shoulder pain and at first he seemed like he was shocked no one mentioned this before.  He told me that I had to make the decision if surgery was worth it and I started to explain what I have been through in the last seven years and that absolutely it is worth it.  I think after I explained what I had gone through I think he realized the enormity and effect it has taken on my life and even my family and friends lives.  I am cautiously optimistic about this surgery.  I just have to pray that I am making the right decision and this new Dr can live up to his hype!  I am waiting to see whether I will have my surgery on May 23 or June 13.  I am really nervous.  I hate surgery (if I liked it, I'd be seriously weird).  If this surgery works, I have at least one more to go because I am absolutely getting my spinal cord stimulator out.