Discipline

I don't know when disciplining a child became SO gosh darn difficult.  I am willing to admit that some of our problems have to do with L and some definitely have to do with ME and A isn't fault free.  So yes, we all have our faults, but I think a lot of our problem is society.  There are so many dang studies about what you should do, what you shouldn't do, how to completely ruin your child (haha), etc.  It's so freaking frustrating.  I figure there are quite a few parents out there that don't really see how difficult all this is because discipline has never really been a problem for them.  But when you have a difficult, "spirited" child, discipline can be life changing....for the good or the bad.  To say we've tried all different kinds of discipline methods would be an understatement.  I have had it with all these dumb books that tell you that their way is the best and the only way to do it and of course, putting it into practice is a completely different ball of wax. 

Yesterday was our family appointment with my therapist.  It went a lot better than I anticipated.  A was super grumpy about going, but he seemed to get into once we got there.  It was definitely a kind of all over the place type of appointment.  We talked about potty training and L's penchant for letting loose on our carpets (#1 and #2...fun) and what we should with L when he does this (by the way, she thinks he should clean up his own mess which in theory is great, but in practice not so great because he thinks it is a blast).  We talked about time outs, bedtime issues (though we really didn't get much help there...benedryl.  Really?  Like we haven't tried that! Haha!), and just general L-isms.  She did mention bipolar disorder again today and to A.  I can't help but cringe at the idea of prematurely diagnosing a three year old with bipolar.  She has said repetitively that she wouldn't be quick to make this call,  but still, it's pretty jarring to hear it.  When I am using my brain rather than my heart, she has makes some fair points that really can't be ignored.  Granted, a lot of the "symptoms" (I am still not sure I believe it is something organically wrong with L or just his personality) could work for other issues such as ADHD. 

So anyway, in an attempt of taking advice from the lady we pay to give us advice, we tried to implement time outs again....sure enough we got some practise this morning.  L woke up telling me that that he peed in his potty (in attempts to keep from having lots of accidents, we put a little potty in his room) and wanted a treat.  UGH.  I hate this whole "pee get a treat" stuff.  Thanks A for getting him started on it!  Anyway, he said he wanted a treat and gum.  I, begrudgingly, told him he could have one or the other.  He picked gum.  He put his treat on the table for "later" (aka when he swallows his gum).  I put the treat away because he picked his choice.  He started whining and getting crazy about the dang treat.  I told him "no".  He went and sat on the potty and squeezed out three drops of pee and demanded his treat again.  Um, yeah, so NOT the way to get a treat.  So he threw himself on the floor yelling and screaming, banging his head on the floor.  I quiet and calmly said "1......2......3, time for a break".  I picked him up and put him in the chair in our bedroom.  He screamed bloody murder.  I finally let him go.  A asked L what he wanted for breakfast and AGAIN, he went on and on about the dang treat and didn't want breakfast.  Finally, A yelled, screamed, etc and put him in time out again.  He cried nonstop, but there was a small break in the crying about 3 minutes into sitting there, so I went in and told him he could get up.  Well, I have no clue why that bothered him so much, but he proceeded to yell and scream even MORE, threw himself all over the house and kicked the basement door like his life depended on it as I left for work.  Swear to God, I could hear him screaming outside!  Yeah, I am totally seeing time outs as a great tool for discipline.  UGH.  So something that should have calmed him down and defused the situation instead got him more hyped up and turned into a 45 minute scream fest.  Crap.  Will this EVER get easier??????????

I really don't remember it being this hard for our parents.  They'd beat us and we'd live in fear of getting in trouble or disappointing our parents.  And we turned out really great.  Neither A nor I have ever been in trouble.  We've never even tried drugs and we barely drank.  We did mostly well in school (well, I can at least speak for myself).  We turned out to be decent adults with a sense of responsibility and moral beliefs.  Obviously, spanking didn't ruin us.  It didn't smash our self esteem or lead us to a life of crime.  A and I turned out to be productive adults.  Seriously, in this day and age, what more could you really ask for?  Sadly, spanking L hasn't really proved effective either.  Dang kid (by the way, there is a good chance this comes out of my mouth literally at least daily! Hahaha)!!!!!  So ultimately, we are pretty much back at square one with barely any good ideas to help us along the way.  The therapist suggested that I speak slower (if you know me, you know that this is asking an awful lot out of this motormouth....ok, even if you don't know me, you are reading this, I imagine you get the idea....) and to try and not get anxious (definitely something I could *try* and work on, but again, this really is just a part of my personality that makes up the wonderfulness that is Maggie).  All of these things sound like reasonable ideas to try knowing full well, it probably won't work.  Maybe it will help me anyway....I'd take that in the very least!  Any suggestions?  Anyone else have a child like this that have some practical advice??  I'm open to most advice!