The Pressures of Being a New Parent

I would think it's safe to say that I am no longer a "new parent", though there are plenty of things we are still doing for the first time.  I think I am mostly thankful to be out of the baby stage of things.  There are times that I definitely long to have a child that is not mobile, but aside from that, I prefer toddlerhood to infancy...mostly.  It doesn't seem like there is a day that goes by without some sort of study or new type of parenting that is thrust upon all of us unsuspecting, clueless parents.  It's easy to get swallowed in the "dos and don'ts" of parenting.  As I've navigated the past three years, I like to think that I've kept a mostly clear head about what you should and shouldn't do and have been a fairly relaxed parent.  But I do remember before L was born and right after feeling so overwhelmed.  "Breastfeed for a year, don't sleep on stomach, no bumpers, no food till four months, don't use a binky, cloth diapers are safer for the environment, BPA is bad for you, blah, blah, blah, etc.....", the list goes on....endlessly.  To me, a parenting style is as individual as each of our children are.  You take a little of this and a little of that and a LOT of common sense and there you have....you're a parent! 

I'm sure pretty much everyone is aware of the new Time cover of a 26 yr old mom nursing her 3 or 4 year old son (while he is standing on a chair to reach her breast). 

I have a completely mixed reaction to this photo.  First of all, the title makes me cringe straight off....."Are you Mom Enough?"......really?  Do we, as mothers who face peer pressure NON-STOP from society, need to be asked that question?  Ugh.  Makes my skin crawl.  Secondly, clearly that child is too old to be nursing, at least too old in my opinion (and I am sure I am not alone....probably even in the majority on the issue).  For me personally, I don't agree with the whole "attachment" parenting style.  Little L has always been a bit of an independent soul.  He was never a super snuggly child and actually didn't really ever go through a clingy phase.  He hates sleeping with us (the feeling is actually mutual).  For medical reason, I stopped nursing at 10 1/2 months, though L got half breast milk/ half whole milk till he was a year old.  To say I was obsessed with nursing is an understatement.  It consumed me the whole year.  I sucked at producing milk and felt like I was an inferior women because of it.  I felt like my body was denying my child something he needed.  I struggled nonstop and looking back I can see that this was my one big thing that I did wrong.  If I would have been more calm and relaxed about it, I probably would have seen that maybe nursing wasn't the best solution for L and I.  At the same time, I am proud that I pushed through and kept him on breast milk for the most part till he was a year old.  Obviously, I am still pretty torn about my own experience.  Ideally, I would like mothers to feel supported if they choose to breastfeed, but not pressure if it doesn't work or they don't like it.   

Sometimes, I think listening to our moms is the best thing (by the way, if my mom is reading this she is probably glowing with pride at this point!)  Let's face it, our moms slept us all on our stomachs from day one and gave us cereal in our milk at 2 months and we are all still here to talk about it.  It can't be THAT bad, right?  I am sure that in their day in age, our moms had tons of info thrown at them too.  But I think it may be safe to say it's a lot worse these days with technology allowing us to be swarmed with all these silly theories. I just can't imagine whether you used cloth diapers or disposible diapers, breast or formula fed, let your kid sleep with a bumper, or fed them food earlier than four month will make that much of a difference in your child's life further down the line.  My personal mommy's motto is "If you are always doing your best, then you are doing great!  Keep it up!"  Your babies infancy goes so fast, don't stress about the small things!