Big Doctor's Appointment

Tomorrow I will be seeing a new surgeon for the first time.  I am feeling such a mix of feelings.  Every second it changes.  I am feeling excited.  I am hoping with everything I have that this new Dr. can work some miracles for me.  On the flip side, I am TERRIFIED that he can't do anything for me.  I guess it's probably pretty normal to feel cautious and nervous about possibly having more surgery, especially if you have had as much surgery as I have.  My insides does flips thinking about it.  I know, in the long run, this is something I have to do.  If it's offered to me, I have to take the chance.  Deep down I know this.  The rational Maggie knows this.  But the newly discovered gardener in me weeps at the thought of having surgery this summer.  Not just the newly discovered gardener, but the mom who is excited to play outside and take her son to the park,  and the girl who loves going swimming in the sun...you get the idea.

I started this post yesterday and never finished, so here is an update...

I saw the new Dr. today.  I had to have x-rays right away.  The technician was really sweet, but seriously particular.  I guess it's because the Dr is particular about them.  I had to fill out a million forms all asking the same thing (this always cracks me up because no one even looks at them anyway!)  We waited a long time to be brought to a room and a decent amount of time waiting for the doctor.  He was actually quite nice and was very open and listened.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but it really is SO amazing to have a doctor that listens.  Honestly, they are truly hard to find.  I've gone six years or so without finding a Dr that listens to you.  That is a really sad commentary on our medical community.  Anyway, this is probably silly too, but his PA's last name was Ehler and I could swear that was a sign that things could be good.  The Dr poked around, asked some questions and in no time flat, he determined it is most likely my bicep tendon causing me problems.  He said he couldn't promise anything, but he thought there was a good chance he could help me with it.  He seemed a little surprised that I had a spinal cord stimulator for my shoulder pain and at first he seemed like he was shocked no one mentioned this before.  He told me that I had to make the decision if surgery was worth it and I started to explain what I have been through in the last seven years and that absolutely it is worth it.  I think after I explained what I had gone through I think he realized the enormity and effect it has taken on my life and even my family and friends lives.  I am cautiously optimistic about this surgery.  I just have to pray that I am making the right decision and this new Dr can live up to his hype!  I am waiting to see whether I will have my surgery on May 23 or June 13.  I am really nervous.  I hate surgery (if I liked it, I'd be seriously weird).  If this surgery works, I have at least one more to go because I am absolutely getting my spinal cord stimulator out.