Labels

As maybe a few of you know, life with L has never been entirely easy.  Wait, did someone say parenthood was easy?!?  Obviously, we all know it's not, but with L, it's been particularly challenging.  For quite some time, I've had suspicions that there was maybe something happening with L that was beyond our control.  I've discussed going to therapy in the past (with no success) and taking him to various speciality doctors.  The first to suggest seeing a behavioral Dr. was by the sleep specialist.  So I made an appointment with a doctor at Akron's Children's.  We had our initial appointment last October and decided to go forth with some testing.  Of course, said testing took EIGHT months to schedule.  The testing was for hearing, speech and autism.  Hearing proved to be a little difficult because L wasn't a fan of the headphones and he had difficulties with the directions.  The speech test seemed to go quite well.  The lady told us that he had an amazing vocabulary, but that he had issues with articulating words.  She said he has a tendency to talk fast and not pronounce everything fully.  I can only assume that's because I am a fast talker and he's picking that up from me.  The autism test was interesting.  We (A, my mom, and I) sat and watched the whole test, but we weren't allowed to help or interject at all.  It was all about using your imagination while playing, connecting events, and making stories using different items.  I am not going to lie, it seemed like it was a hot mess.  L had no idea what he was doing.  The test was on a Monday and they told us to call to set up an appt on Friday.  I called on Friday and they tried to schedule us for OCTOBER 3!!!!  Five months from now!  That wasn't going to fly with me, so they put us on a list to call if any appointments cancelled.  Shockingly, they called me back and set us an appointment on Saturday.  Sadly, A wasn't able to get off of work, so I took my dad (my mom couldn't come because my brother and his wife were busy in Columbus having a baby!!!  YAY!).  The doctor took at least an hour meeting with us.  He had a good conversation with L and I.  L did end up testing positive for being on the autism spectrum, just barely.  After all was said and done, the doctor decided that he was not completely comfortable slapping the label of autistic on L right away.  L does have quite a few red flags suggesting a mild autism, but he also have quite a few characteristics that don't fit either.  The doctor suggested A and I do some parenting therapy for the next six months to see if that doesn't help our situation.  If things have gotten a lot better, he is happy without diagnosing L as autistic.  If we are still struggling, we are going to go forth with a title of autism.  Once he has that "label" (I am using this word because this is the term the doctor used.  I am not entirely comfortable with it.  Labelling sounds so harsh), we would be able to receive help we otherwise wouldn't qualify for. 

I am still trying to come to terms with how I feel about this.  For years, I've had a fear that autism might be something we are dealing with, albeit it very mild and high functioning, but I've always talked myself out of it because L has never completely fit the definition (obviously, I have been way more on par than I ever thought).  I realize that lots of children have it worse than L does and bless the parents that have been through this.  That being said, raising L has been difficult in many ways and when finally asked in a way that I could understand, the doctor finally got it out of me that we have indeed altered and modified our lives completely around L.  I've spent lots of time feeling like a bad parent and guilty for giving in to a lot of L's quirks rather than being tough and not letting him rule our lives.  It has always seemed to make more sense to avoid things that set L off and avoid a bigger scene than to keep fighting.  When I told that to the Dr, he conceded and said that if that is really the case, then most likely there is something going on rather than not.  In my heart, I've always known that L was a different type of child.  He's quirky, extremely intelligent, and very sensitive.  All of which I LOVE about him, but also tends to cause a lot of struggles.  My rational mind tells me that either way, whether it be a summer of therapy getting some parental techniques that we can use to make things easier and it helps a bunch or a true diagnosis of autism, we are finally getting closer to helping make our lives a little easier and helping us to raise L as a happy and well adjusted child.  I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I was shocked when the doctor told us he tested positive, even if it was just barely, for autism.  I'm also tired just thinking about the work we have ahead of us (not that things have been easy by any means up until this point!)  The one thing the doctor said to me that makes me feel a little better is that it is very possibly that he could outgrow autism.  Ultimately, as parents, all we want is for L to be successful at life.  We will do everything in our power to make this happen.  Isn't that what matters in the end?